It is with pride and honor that we (those who forged the circle) have devised a way that you (the Chosen One) can enter the sacred realm and fulfill your true destiny. Until now, Mars was in the house of Neptune's second moon, and as such, you were prevented from journeying into this sacred cipher. Now, as worlds align, the chalice is within your grasp. Heed the omen, reach for the grail, let no man put asunder what has been ordained as yours. We await inside to break bread with you.
The meager sum of 150 bones will get you the next 10 DVDs we release (about 1 a month, give or take...)
Why go out and risk catching swine flu? Your Christmas shopping is already done. Even Oprah recommends buying our DVDs as a holiday gift. Check this out.
DVDs will arrive about a week before the street date. (Your friends will envy and covet your collection.)
If you are interested in our back catalog, you can buy previously released DVD's at half price while you have the subscription. (Say what?!!??)
We know you'll be satisfied with the result it will have on your constituency, and if not, at least you'll have something to talk about at parties. You can slag us off and call us liars... that's always fun.
This gift idea might not be right for the little ones, but we don't ever release films that suck, at least none that we know of.
Adam Yauch, the Minister Of Information at Oscilloscope Laboratories commented "There's a real void in the marketplace since Columbia Record club is no longer active, so we're hoping to hire a
staff of tens of thousands to call our valuable membership over and over again and harass them until they cry."
The realm of trust seeks you, mount your steed and come hither! |
